As a psychologist who works with young children and adolescents, I am always curious about the psychological roots of generosity and altruistic behavior. A civil war survivor myself, I seem to be constantly on the lookout for stories highlighting the capacities of the human spirit to overcome difficulty and self-interest for the sake of others.
On Feb. 8th, this year, the NY Times featured a cover page article on the work of the Secret Society for Creative Philanthropy (www.creativephilanthropy.org/). It is a story that has captured the attention of many in the philanthropic world. I happen to know Courtney Martin, the founder of this recent inspirational movement. A Mother-Daughter retreat in the Seattle area brought us together in 2004.
Courtney was a facilitator at this event. I was there as a participant and stand in mother for a former beloved student. From the moment we met, Courtney’s sensitivity and compassionate presence to the teenage girls touched me. In professional early childhood terms, I would say that Courtney manifested the 24 year-old version of social and emotional development gone right. As a result of this retreat, Courtney and I created a mentoring relationship. While I was to be the designated mentor, I have learned more from Courtney about creative generosity than from my own generation.
During the last six years, Courtney has written three books, founded organizations, appeared on national television and published multiple articles on empathy, respect, gender equality, and compassion to strangers (www.courtneyemartin.com/). Thus, it was no surprise that four Xmas ago, Courtney shared with me that instead of buying presents or spending money on unnecessary stuff, she was giving $100 to each one of ten friends to do something good for someone out there in the world in an anonymous way.
This simple act of creative generosity was to become the strong seed, which has since generated hundreds of more anonymous acts of generosity and compassion towards strangers. Since the NY Times article, an explosion of interest at the international and national level has taken place wishing to create many more chapters of the Secret Society for Creative Philanthropy.
Writing about Courtney is easy for me because I know and love her. However, we know that there are many others like her scattered throughout the world. In the farthest corners of the earth, an African indigenous grandmother is sacrificing her own well-being to take in an unknown former child soldier into her home. In Seattle Washington, a young teen fund-raises for girls education in Rwanda. In perhaps, the ultimate act of courage and compassion, a California couple forgives the killers of their own child.
What factors are behind acts of courageous compassion toward unknown and perhaps distant others? What seeds are necessary for the birth of a conscience that extends beyond the interests of our own selves or tribes? What childhood life experiences give root to selfless and altruistic behavior? What leads some people to give without a need for personal recognition? These are important, complex questions begging reflection from all of us who work with children. Answering them in full from a strictly scientific perspective is beyond the scope of this commentary. For now, I’ll try to focus on those factors known from research as significant contributors to kind and pro-social behavior.
I think of acts of altruistic good will as a manifestation of a well developed moral imagination and the ability to dream beyond our present reality. A moral imagination has been described by peace scholar and practitioner, John Paul Lederach (2005) as “the capacity to imagine something rooted in the challenges of the real world, yet capable of giving birth to that which does not yet exist”. Courtney’s creative philanthropic act will most likely not bring an end to poverty, but her moral imagination has already lifted the spirits of many and inspired thousands to replicate her act.
And who knows, in a year when the World Health Organization has declared depression as a major epidemic world wide, a simple act of kindness can restore faith in the human race, or provide sufficient “pick me up” to get through a key difficult moment.
The psychologist in me feels confident that behind every human act of kindness and generosity in the world, there is at least one committed adult in the form of a parent, teacher, mentor, childcare worker, etc. who has loved a child fully and consistently. Love is not about perfection, as it is about constant presence and engagement in life long cycles of joy, distress, healing, repair, and reconnection.
In Courtney’s case two superb human beings, Jere and Ron Martin, believed in an unwavering manner in a daughter’s dream to be a writer. There were no eyes rolling, passive aggressive digs, or deep sighs wondering if she would ever find a way to make a living or waste tuition monies on an unpredictable writing career. In fact, it was her father who came up with the title of Courtney’s first book, “Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating your Body”.
I had the honor of interviewing Courtney for this article two days ago. I was curious about her upbringing as a young child. Were there experiences that marked her? Was it something specific about her upbringing that launched her creative giving? These are some of her responses:
“Curiosity was king in my house. My parents were, and still are, infinitely curious about everyone and everything. They always want to hear people’s stories, they always ask probing questions, and they are always genuinely interested in what people have to say”.
“ I didn’t grow up with any formal religion–something I have sometimes been sad about–but if there was any dominant ideology in my family, it was be kind to everyone, always”
“ In terms of imagination, my parents were adamant that my brother and I have spaces–both physically and in terms of time–to let our imaginations go wild. Most of this was located in a room in our attic, which was literally handed over to my brother and I to do anything we wanted with. We wrote and drew on the walls, had a big trunk full of costumes, had He-man and G.I. Joe action figures and Barbies and My Little Ponies strewn everywhere, paints, crayons, easels, just about anything you can imagine a kid playing with. I remember spending hours upon hours in that attic with various friends, making up stories, acting out dramas, creating art etc. It was the most special space–kids only, anything goes, our very own theater for our budding imaginations. And it was valued and respected by my parents”.
In my consulting practice to families and programs serving children 0 to 6, I bear witness to the positive impact which consistent love, curiosity, and imaginary play have on conscience development. Authors P.O. Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their book, Nurture Shock (2009), mentioned the Tools of the Mind pre-school and kindergarten curriculum as an approach to cognitive learning and self-control (www.mscd.edu/extendedcampus/toolsofthemind/) relying mostly on the benefits of imaginary play, as the channel for acquiring the developmental building blocks for future academic success. Not only does Tools lead to academic success, but also to the capacity for insight and introspection in children’s lives.
The consistency of parental love in Courtney’s life, having her dreams taken seriously, as well as the availability of a space for imaginary play, are undisputed factors in her altruistic and generous way of life. A brain wired for giving has been fed, at a minimum, a diet of consistent love and dignifying communication. No genetic pre-disposition towards goodness can fully blossom without the protective factors of love and freedom to explore as a young child. The perpetual humanist and optimist in me believes that all children can be taught generosity in a life sustainable and developmentally appropriate way.
As clinicians, policy makers, teachers, parents, providers, philanthropists and concerned citizens, we must remember that our work with children is crucial to bettering the world. While the immediate reward may be successful toilet training, finger paintings, and sticky hugs, the long lasting impact of our work may well be millions of humble acts of generosity and compassion making a difference in someone’s life.
The roots of a moral imagination and creative acts of compassion largely depend on the care we offer our children and the play spaces we provide them with.
I recall how at the 2008 Seeds of Compassion event in Seattle, His Holiness the Dalai Lama credited the love of his mother, a humble woman without a formal education, for his undying compassion. This simple and generous in her capacity to love woman gave the world a man with a heart big enough to embrace all people, even those responsible for his intense suffering. So cheers to every parent, baby sitter, pre-school teacher, administrator, philanthropist, grandparent, and clinician out there, standing on watch duty at a play ground, or cuddling a baby in an infant room. You are tilling the soil for the next generation of creative philanthropists and maybe even the next Nobel Peace Prize winner. The future of the planet depends on you.
Photo by Nathaniel S
