I once had a friend in Scotland, a brilliant and funny doctor, who did not have children. Once I asked him why. This is how I remember the emailed conversation went:
“Well, let me put it this way,” he said. “I was at my sister’s house, at a party. One of her three children was running around in circles until he collapsed. One was sneaking chocolate candies into the VCR slot. And the third was opening and closing his mouth, full of food, in the mirror. Now let me ask you a question,” he continued. “If an adult were doing any of these things, he would be psychotic, no?
“OK,” I responded, “Let’s say yes.”
“So why would I want three psychotic dwarfs running around my house?”
This conversation is one that I have thought about many times over the years. Sometimes it has made me laugh; when my children were running wild. Sometimes I felt sober at the hugeness of dealing with ‘psychotic dwarfs.’
This past Sunday, I looked at my children in the dining room. My fourteen year old was reading an article on her laptop. Her twelve year old brother was slowly eating a roll, reading over her shoulder. She looked up at him and they both laughed. My eight year old son was a little further down, bouncing in his seat, looking out the open window at the springtime birds. My five year old daughter was drawing on the backs of a pile of papers slated for recycling.
A sense of peace and happiness filled me. I used to wish I could take a snapshot of such moments and keep them in my heart always. As my children grow and times like these happen more and more, I enjoy them all the more deeply. I love my children so much.
I am sorry for my friend the doctor. Though raising children can be stormy and difficult at times, nothing else, in my life at least, compares to the joy of seeing them grow well.
Written by Estee L.
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Estee – that is a really interesting post. Thank you. I had another thought as well insofar as raising ‘psychotic’ children. When children are ‘being children’ and acting in what appears to be ‘crazy’, ‘psychotic’ etc. It is during these times that we, as parents are often challanged /frustrated/etc. and it helps us – dealing with our children – it forces us to be mindful and work on our patience etc. The ‘psychosis’ of children can and should act as a catalyst for us to work on improving ourselves.
To me the key is that these behaviors are psychotic only if we do not learn to master them. Accepting them, enjoying their appropriateness precisely because they come from children, and teaching kids the ‘when and where’ is part of being a parent. Feeling that something is wrong is, I agree, a signal to reflect upon ourselves.
Seeing the kids grow through these stages– becoming self accepting, disciplined people and NOT psychotic adults– is a joy!