It was a beautiful day yesterday – one of those precious days in the Northwest when spring seems to burst all at once with a blast of colors, sweet smells and a vast clear sky. I went for a walk and listened with amazement to the birds singing so robustly that they even drowned out the sound of the traffic nearby. As I was walking I saw a mom pushing a stroller walking toward me. Twins, I realized as she came closer, but where were they?
If the scene was not so sad, it would have been really funny (I wish I had my camera with me). One of the toddlers was hiding behind the big screen of an Ipad and the other, which I could tell was a little boy, was playing with the Iphone.
Wow! Right in front of my eyes a new phenomena was unfolding. More curious than watching the banana slug I almost stepped on, these cute (I’m assuming they were cute, but can’t be sure because I couldn’t see their faces!) babies were fast on their way into the future, where gadgets are going to be so attached to us – almost as if we have grown a new limb.
But is it Good for us?
Just last Sunday, in the an article titles: “The flight from Conversation” MIT professor, Sherry Turkle, who has been researching our over use of technology and it’s impact on our lives, laments, “I have learned that these little devises most of us carry around are so powerful that they change not only what we do, but also who we are.”
What she is most concerned about is how peole, especially the young generation, is avoiding deeper, meaningful conversations and they are less engaged in intimate relationships which require building trust and risking ones own vulnerability.
They are spending more time “alone together” as she calls it, which is an illusion of “being with” while really constantly texting and focusing on anything but what or who is in front of them at the present movement. Professor Turkle said in the article that we used to converse with others to learn to converse with ourselves, so flight from conversation means a diminished chance to learn self reflection as well as social skills.
A similar conclusion came from research at University of Wisconsin-Madison that emphasizes the importance of both physical touch and auditory cues to increase the level of Oxytocin, a hormone involved in the formation and maintenance of positive relationships as well as reduce Cortisol (the stress hormones). Children who experience lack of physical touch and person interaction and who substitute real contact with texting, emailing, facebooking etc. will suffer from increase of stress hormone and decrease of the mediating hormone, Oxytocin.
So what can we do about it?
Perhaps not what the family I saw the other day in a restaurant did. They came in with their three year old child and his video player. For about two hours the couple had, what seemed like a pleasant adult conversation, while the boy watched a movie. He ate mindlessly what was on the plate without looking up. Every now and then his mom shoved something to his mouth as well.
We can’t blame parents who sometimes want to have quiet dinner and good conversation, for bringing along a “baby sitter gadget” or having their child watch TV at home for the similar reasons. It is indeed so available and so tempting but sadly, can be overused.
How often do we substitute real interaction with an illusion of being together will determine the long-term affect.
More than what parents say, but who they really are, will have the most impact on the children. How we do we listen as parents to each other? To our children? How we pay attention,and how often we get distracted by looking at our phone and other gadgets for messages, will all leave it’s imprint.
Professor Turkle suggests, “Make room for conversations…at home we can create sacred spaces, the kitchen, the dinning room, we can make our cars “devise free zone” we can demonstrate the value of conversation to our children… most of all we need to remember to listen to one another..”
I agree. Do you? If you do, please join us for our Listening Mothers or Reflective Parenting classes where we practice what we believe in; good conversation based on deep listening. Also, friend us on facebook where our conversation continues with questions, discussions, links to interesting articles and more!
Photo by metaviews
Readers who enjoyed this post may also enjoy:
{ 1 comment }
