In the January 17th 2011 New Yorker, there is an article by David Brooks entitled “Social Animal: How the new sciences of human nature can help make sense of a life.” I found the article interesting. In this article there is an extended “quotation” from a scientist at the end of the article that was especially notable for me.
It described our personal human experience as “…our participation in an accumulation of information and relationships that extend far beyond our individual life spans and circle of direct awareness…” – what the scientist called ‘the river’.
Flow, a state of happiness, is not brought about by twisting the river to our wishes, or by putting ourselves in one channel of the river or the other, but by full immersion in that river wherever it takes us. There is much in the article that echoes what I have come to believe about the Taoist worldview – the Tao simply translated means “the way”, it is akin to Brooks’s river. The tao speaks of not knowing, not doing, not forcing or fighting, not hurrying, not praising or condemning. Simple pleasures deeply known but not held onto.
So, the Chinese mother in the article is pushing individual accomplishment, which can build mastery of useful skills and self-confidence. She is also demonstrating great love for family – love is (among other things) time and attention – and her daughters are learning that indirectly. They know that they matter, that they are important and that they are intrinsically lovable. They’re developing self-discipline, which is a proven happiness enabler. Not a bad formula. But there are also costs of this approach, which, taken to extremes can end up in the Race to Nowhere. Quite a tricky landscape to navigate, full of unintended consequences “good” and “bad”.
Can we monitor and guide our children’s ability to participate fully in the river of life, to know fulfillment in the process of living, just as we can monitor and guide their academic progress? Maybe, when we figure that out, it becomes the “Battle Hymn of the Mindful Parent”.
Photo by yardrath
