Five-year-old Tommy is a bit of a bulldozer. A high energy guy, he rushes through life full of curiosity and eager for the next new experience. But he also can leave a swath of destruction in his wake: a toy broken by accident, a glass of milk bumped to floor by a careless elbow, classmates who are literally knocked over when Tommy joins their play or who are put off by his intensity.
Tommy’s mother is pregnant and anxious about how Tommy will interact with the baby. She knows how important it is for him to feel included but worries about safety.
Last week, Tommy came home begging to get a rabbit from a neighbor who had several. After some closed door discussions about teaching gentleness, his parents agreed to “borrow” one for a week. The deal was that Tommy could hold the bunny for five minutes at a time. As soon as he got antsy or rough, the rabbit went back in the cage. Over time Tommy would work toward increasing the time and finally getting a pet of his own.
What is gentleness?
Gentleness means recognizing that the world around us is fragile, especially other people. It is recognizing our own capacity to do harm and choosing instead to be tender, soft-spoken, soft-hearted, and careful. When we are gentle we touch the world in ways that protect and preserve it.
Being gentle doesn’t mean being weak; gentleness can be firm, even powerful. To behave in a gentle manner requires that we stay centered in our own values and strength — that we are active rather than reactive. Coming from this center, a gentle word or touch can channel our energy into healing or making peace.
Five Quotes to contemplate, discuss and share.
Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived.
–Abraham Lincoln
Softness overcomes hardness.
–Zuo Qiuming
The way to overcome the angry man is with gentleness, the evil man with goodness, the miser with generosity and the liar with truth.
–Indian Proverb
Bringing it home to your kids
1. Rev down when your kids rev up. Try lowering your voice so they have to quiet down to hear you. Gentleness is remarkably contagious.
2. Seek out opportunities for your children to interact with smaller creatures and younger children at times when you can be fully present as a model and coach.
3. Engage your children in assisting grandparents or elderly neighbors or community members. Kids often instinctively subdue themselves in the presence of elders..
4. Make time for snuggles, hair stroking or little back rubs. Children who get lots of gentle comfortable touching will have a better sense of what feels good for others.
5. Entrust your child early to handle delicate objects with supervision. Like any virtue, gentleness is acquired through practice—and through mistakes.
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I think that’s a great idea to borrow a pet for a week. I never thought of that technique and would imagine it’s a great way to expose the kid to responsibilities. Thanks for the post.
leslie