Personal account from a parent (not me!)
A couple weeks ago we were playing outside after school. I was talking with other Moms and my child rode by on a scooter—he’d taken his socks off and was having fun telling us, “I don’t have my socks on!” as he zoomed back and forth.
It was freezing and I called to him a few times to “Put your socks on!” He didn’t. Then, having just read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk the evening before, I tried, a few minutes later, walking over to him when he was by himself quietly playing in the wood chips. Looking in his eyes I said simply “It’s cold and you don’t have your shoes on.” He didn’t say anything but immediately walked over and put his shoes on. It was amazing!
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I LOVE that book…I have also been amazed at the difference it makes when I give information instead of directions. I use it all the time! “Your backpack is in the middle of the floor and someone might trip over it.” (instead of please hang up your backpack) It’s respectful and it lets the child do the thinking and problem solving, which is huge!
today I observed my daughter’s pre-k teacher work with one of her classmates to pick his hat up off the floor and put it away. Rather than instructing or directing, he informed the child of his observation, that the hat was on the floor and could get stepped on, and asked him what he thought we should do. The child was very receptive, felt respected and brainstormed an excellent and creative way to solve the problem. Put the hat on the bear in the corner. I loved seeing how a simple change in language can have a desirable impact on the caretaker and the child.